No Subject

So now this stuff happened with jose. I hope he doesnt get it bad. Why does all this crap happen to us? Im quitting weed. Its so pointless now and i finally realized that im not even doing it for the fun anymore, it just brings me a fake happiness. Lastnight was fun. Bowling was great and south beach with the boys was really fun. Seeing rinaldo and grace together at bowling was so cute. They looked like teenagers in love. It was nice to get a chance to hang out with them. I feel disrespectiful always being gone. So im finally getting a chance to go to my parents house. Im just really happy that im going because i know it will be the best way to get over all of this. All the alone time will probably hurt so bad but it will be the best for the situation. My family really does know a lot and i love that they are the only ones who can help me with everything without making any of us look bad. It really is nobodys fault and its time i stop being mad at life. We went out lastnight and i realized lots of things being with the people i was with. Theres so much out there and i wanna see it all. I think that this is finally better because now i can live out my dreams and go out in the world. Discussing how big the world is can be very intimidating. Theres just so much out there that i have to see and experience. I always knew that i was destined for big things and now my path is clear. Its true that everything happens for a reason and i think im finally finding the reason for this. I regret every bad thing i said to anyone throughout all of this and i hope my foolishness didnt make me seem like a bad person to anyone. I wish everyone i love the best. Its true now that i cant see you guys anymore in order for everything to be fixed, but ive finally got the will to let go of everyone. I was so scared of losing the people close to me because i always thought id be alone, but in reality i will never be alone. There will always be someone out there who is feeling the same way i am, someone with a great loss. It happens to everyone and it took me a while to realize that. I've experienced so much of what life is this summer. I will always remember this summer because even though this summer wasnt super fun or exciting, i will always remember the things i learned, the facts of life.

I am growing up. Thats something i cant stop but i think that ive become scared of it. Growing up is a frightening thing and sometimes i just wish i was a kid again just playing everyday and stuff and not having to face the big problems. Ive taken a long look on life (especially while being high) and ive just realized so much. One person is a very small fraction of whats out in the world. It just makes you wonder why were here. What difference does my life make on the world. I learned to appreciate life through this because if we are here just for the ride and we really are a small person in the world then our lives are like a gift to us. So its important that we appreciate life and live it to the fullest. Im back to seeing the good out of things because there is always a good in any situation. I want to forget that period where i thought the whole world was out to get me and i was feeling so sorry for myself. So im not angry at anyone anymore and im sorry to everyone who i caused any problems to and im sorry for bringing up any bad comments or ruining anything for everyone. So im finally done with all of this and everyones lives can be lived the way that makes them happy. Im done inputing into everyones lives because it doesnt get me anywhere. I thought maybe i could try and fix things but who am i to try and do that. I cant change anyones free will. I really hope that through all of this that maybe one time in the future we can hang out like we used to, just for the sake of bringing back the old times so we can remember the good things of our relationships. I dont want the last memories to be the ones we've experienced this summer. So im hoping this will be one of my last lj entries. Its true i write in these things so someone else can read. Thats why everyone writes in these. Theres always someone reading and i just want my thoughts out there. So now i will go to my parents house on wednesday, i will get over all of this, I will let go of the people i was so scared to lose and i will start living my life again. Things wont be better, or worse or anything but i guess im finally ready to deal with all the new things in life. I will miss my past two years and everyone ive met, and i know i will still see people but i will miss being part of the family and being around everything i was around for. This has been a great trip but i guess this chapter in my life has come to an end so now i will build new memories and experiences.

-Chris