Duna Doona Dangerously Dangled

Matthew And Lisa

2006-12-20T07:27:57Z

I always catch the ones who belong to someone else.

Don Quixote

2006-12-12T03:51:53Z

Winter break is only two finals away. Im very excited for this winter break because there should be many things planned to keep me entertained. Everything else is good. South of fifth is doing better than we have been for a while...were finally coming up with our style and getting comfortable. I cant wait to have a good ol' south of fifth show sometime in the near future. Seeing everyone go deeper into their dreams just makes me realize how much i love music and how bad i want this to happen and how much im willing to work. Been doing a lot of stuff lately which is always fun. Eating healthier and being healthier and i havent smoked in a long time. Unfortunately ive replaced it with cancer sticks but i promise myself that smoking fags will be just a very temporary thing. I plan to quit all together in the very near future.

The only thing im gonna miss about school is taking pictures. Cant wait to do it again though, but this time back in color. Im gonna miss black and white but im very ready to get some color going again. I have some ideas already for new projects. Thanksgiving was pretty interesting with my whole family again. Lots of stories and lots of emotions. I have a pretty strange family but its all good. More interesting than being normal i guess. I miss them all already though, especially my little bro. The shuttle took off the other day which i think is always such an amazing thing. I wish i was on it.

The one person shows were very good. It was nice to see all the friends doing their own big production. Its always nice to see a group of people grow up together. Im happy for them all.

I think im gonna do something fun this winter break because something really fun needs to happen. There will be plenty of small things but i wanna do at least one big thing. Theres too much freetime to waste it sleeping and being home. Its also getting cold finally which means i gotta work on finding someone to help keep me warm again.

Im doing good.

Cut The Kids In Half

2006-10-09T05:44:24Z

After this weekend all I wanna do is be with someone. Ive never been so nervous and wired and it sucks to be this way when youre by yourself. Owell. Everything about that night sucked, except for meeting some people and actually realizing how the whole system really works and how fucked up it is. I know now what its like so i guess its a big learning experience, a fucked up one at that.

Im about to get my first shower since everything and im just gonna soak for a long time.

All i could think about in there was taking a vacation. Enjoy the freedom. One day isnt much to complain about, but you kind of realize what freedom is and its a really important thing. This is why i wanna enjoy it. I wanna go home and love the people that I dont see so much as i realize that it just takes one really bad accident for you to never see them for a long time. I couldnt imagine how bad it must be to never have freedom again. Its the scariest thought i have now and thats why i dont wanna be alone.

I also got mad at school. I got mad that it was such a big thought on my mind. Why should i have cared so much about school. Thats not gonna be there for me through thick and thin. I didnt want to worry about work or learning books. All i wanted to think about was friends and family and love and all the emotions that go along with it all.

Ive also learned from all this that i have the best friends anyone could ever ask for. To realize that there are people out there who were so helpful, and sad and worried is just the best welcome home gift anyone could ask for. To see tears and hear cries and receive hugs is just something that words cant describe, and this was only one day. I just couldnt even imagine how bad things can really be. I hope i never complain about things not being fair ever again and i hope i am never ungrateful about anything else because i realized i have a lot to be thankful for.

Never again do i want to witness my parents go through what they went through. I feel like through the whole situation, it was easiest for me to cope with it even though it happened to me. I think i would hate it more to be in one of my friends or family members position.

Here Between The Sky And Every Piece Of The Earth

2006-10-03T03:06:29Z

I feel pretty good today. My mind was very relaxed all day. The beach was a nice touch to the afternoon. Lastnight was chill too despite the fact that i got a decent load of work to do. I'll finish it eventually just like i always do. I got my money back which is a nice load off my shoulders. Im still expecting more so when that comes ill finally be caught up to all my debt thats been haunting me since i moved here.

My computer is fucked up which is annoying as hell.

Its weird when i see her cuz we flirt a lot and everyone always makes comments about us and it just kinda seems right. Shes super cool considering some things and i think it would be nice. Im not black though and i hear that doesnt matter but i still cant tell if were both just messing around with eachother or if maybe we both feel a little serious. She reminds me of someone but i dont know who, but whoever it is, i know its a person that makes me feel comfortable.

Im listening to jimmy eat world right now which gives me a very overwhelming case of nostalgia.

I cant think of anything else to say because i just feel too relaxed. The beach was just perfect today and my room was perfect in the day and i had a very good time just being with myself. It kinda makes me think i should make it a point to spend more time with myself. I still have to find out who it is i am, who it is i want to continue being and what im gonna do with what i have. Some days just give me that upperhand and let me sit back and enjoy whats infront of me right now. If things werent always so hectic i would probably have more time to enjoy these things.

"And Then I Realized That I Lost The Baby"

2006-09-15T20:10:56Z

Having a crush doesnt mean the same things anymore.

Artist: The Flaming Lips Lyrics
Song: Do You Realize?
Do You Realize - that you have the most beautiful face
Do You Realize - we're floating in space -
Do You Realize - that happiness makes you cry
Do You Realize - that everyone you know someday will die

And instead of saying all of your goodbyes - let them know
You realize that life goes fast
It's hard to make the good things last
You realize the sun doesn't go down
It's just an illusion caused by the world spinning round

Do You Realize - Oh - Oh - Oh
Do You Realize - that everyone you know
Someday will die -

And instead of saying all of your goodbyes - let them know
You realize that life goes fast
It's hard to make the good things last
You realize the sun doesn't go down
It's just an illusion caused by the world spinning round

Do You Realize - that you have the most beautiful face
Do You Realize

I realize that the world will never stop spinning.

Spliff

2006-09-09T08:32:48Z

I havent felt so much kindess like i felt tonight in a long time. It seems like every single person i came across tonight was just in an awesome mood. Everyone was so friendly tonight. It was kinda different. Maybe its just me. I have been in a good mood lately maybe its just reflecting.

Chilled with some trinidadians and it was such a culture shock. They looked like they belonged in Miami but they sounded and acted like they were from such a foreign place. It was pretty cool. Plus they go to FIU they gotta be cool.

I dont really know why im writing this entry. Usually whenever i write an entry its because theres things i just really want to write down but right now i cant really think of why im writing it. Im just in a good mood. I laughed a lot tonight.

You're Lucky, This Is Our Last Date

2006-09-07T06:54:19Z

So here I am once again, taking one to the head all alone. Pitiful isnt it. This is what i do, i'm clockwork. Yet I find myself being extremely comfortable with my schedule. Plus I can enjoy now because I am an advanced student which means i dont have to be there. Feels good to be advanced again even though i dont know if it really applies. My english teacher has a strong accent. Pretty darn cool though for an old Middle Eastern man.

Im thinking of staying where I am at now or moving "to the side" as they call it. The other side could be pretty fun though. But who am I kidding i love it deep down inside. As much as I hate it, I couldnt live without it. Plus we get to play dodgeball on saturday sounds fun. If one of you folignos reads this, please tell your mother that she has to play dodgeball. Im making her.

I need my money to come already so i can get myself out of debt and get all the things i want. Having a lot of money sucks when you realize that you owe it to someone else. Credit and loans are the devil.

Show tomorrow night should be fun, lots of bands, maybe this means lots of chicks. Maybe i will also wear my flashy red jacket to the show. Should i be gay, depends on how i feel in the morning.

I was gonna go to tampa but 4 hours is lonely. Ill work instead.

It was nice to lay in a bed, even though it was absolutely nothing, the sheets were very comfortable and so was I. I wish i had a free apartment, that would be the good life. Being a cop has its benefits.

Swimming is my new medium. I do it everyday that its not raining or its not the weekend. I feel good afterwards my body is getting fit, my face clears up so nice, i actually get tired at night, and also...its quiet underwater.

I miss my family so freakin much, my dad especially. We do the same things, weve just grown to be so compatable. I hate leaving and seeing him stand at the door with his hands on his head. I felt like i was gonna suffocate from being so choked up when i left. I always wonder what hes thinking as i drive away. I wonder if his eyes are just as glossy as mine and if his knees are trembling as much as mine do, as if there was a little earthquake beneath me. I wonder if his arms go weak and if he is engulfed in a sudden rush of emptiness and loneliness. I then wonder how long he sits infront of the TV watching it but not interpreting anything that is happening, just becoming a vegetable thinking about what happened in the last few days. I wonder if he does all these things like I do. Then I wonder if he gets back into such a boring ass routine that forces him to quickly forget about being sad and if he then locks it deep in the back of his mind only to piss him off easier or make his day more stressful. I hope he doesnt go through these things because its not fun. And jah bless my mom, i love her, but i dont even know if she recognizes when i leave. Of course she does and of course she misses me, but shes a very dissmisive person. Shes able to let go a little easier. The story of the Mejias. Men are emotional.

We only have 8 planets now.

I think i hallucinated for a second or two the other morning when i woke up from my nightmare of drowning in a stupid accident involving jaysons car. I woke up and my bookshelf was wobbly. It was weird. I probably just had sand in my eyes. I was pretty tired though, that might explain it.

I miss steve irwin so much already its really weird. Ive never been so sad involving anyone that has ever died. This is my most tragic death. I mean i havent experienced much death but out of everyone that ive ever heard of dying, this by far is the saddest. RIP man and i know you deserve to go to heaven more than most people, although he could have a different lifestyle than what it seems, but i dont think i could ever believe that. He represents to me a genuine good person and he deserved better. Thats the closest i came to crying in a while.

Oh boy its time to get ready for the weekend. I wonder what new fun and exciting adventures will take place this weekend. Only time will tell wont it?

I really feel just like the way this song sounds at this exact moment.(TV On The Radio- Ambulance)

offtoparadise03 @ 2006-09-04T14:03:00

2006-09-04T18:05:40Z

Steve Irwin died. This is one of the saddest things ive heard in a long time. Its just too weird how sad it is to me. I never knew this guy and now hes dead and i feel so sad. I feel horrible for his family. This sucks so much. At least he died doing what he loved. I hope his family takes everything ok and i hope people carry on all the things he did.

The Lone Ranger

2006-09-04T08:09:58Z

I miss my family

You Can Be In My Life

2006-08-20T06:49:10Z

I just got out of work. It was a nice night. Easy going and chill. Made good money so thats always a plus. We got some new employees closer to my age so it makes me feel more comfortable and not so much like an outcast. I love waiting tables sometimes cuz you get such a little taste of so many peoples lives. Also for the most part, everyone is always happy at a restaurant. Its probably because food makes people happy and the fact that your getting served, but its nice to be around people that are happy. It makes you happy too. Its also the only job where you can curse out loud, yell, run around, dance, gossip, eat, chill and all that stuff. You cant do that anywhere else but in a restaurant. I love it but i hate it. Thats life though.

I swam yesterday for the first time in a long time. It was really nice. I always forget how good swimming makes you feel. Out of every exercise i do, swimming just gives me such a rush. I get so happy afterwards. Its such a drug, exercising that is.

Schools almost starting. I did what i had to do and i got my scholarship reinstated. Thats a good thing. I wouldve been in a completely different lifestyle if that didnt happen. For a while i was kinda hoping i would have to wait a year but it didnt happen that way, and because it didnt happen that way, that means it was supposed to happen this way. Ill find out why later. Music is enveloping me even more now. It makes me question my priorities all the time.

Chilled lastnight and partied pretty hard. Got really wasted. It was a fun night. Boys night out part deux. I need a girl though. Boys night outs are fun but they dont get me laying next to a girl at night. I need to work on myself.

Im going home on wednesday. Im really excited to see my family, including my brother. I get to go for a nice 5 or 6 days too so that will be nice, even though i know i will be bored out of my mind when im there. Things are different now though. I cant wait to go i miss my little bro so much already. I wish i could be more family oriented. It will happen as we grow.

Im taking spanish classes this semester. I feel like its going to be really useful in my near future. I think i have plans that are escalating into something big that im very headstrong about. I dont know what the future will hold though. I do know one thing though, and thats that i have to get out of this place. I used to hate change but now i welcome it. Its the only thing that helps you learn.

I also need an idea for a theme for my photo class. Suggestions are nice even though i probably wont use them. I love photo and i wish i could go more into it, its not my passion though so ill leave it as a hobby.

I want to go to the beach tomorrow but i think its gonna rain so i might have to plan it for another day. Doesnt matter though cuz its only gonna be me. Thats what i like about making only me plans, you dont have to worry about them, theyre only for you.

Well i guess thats all for now. Back to the routine very soon, but i gotta find a way to make a big gap in that routine for me. Ill stop rambling now.

PS.- The Dolphins won today and football season is back.

I Want The Gold

2006-07-02T06:54:20Z

If my math is correct...4:00pm to 2:30am is a total of 10 1/2 hours.
If i read my schedule correct, ive worked almost that same exact shift for about 5 days this week.
Once again if my math is correct, this means that i have worked over 50 hours this week, as well as the week before.
This sucks a lot. Im starting to hate work a lot. I cant stand the horrible sleep schedule as well as the lack of time to spend with my friends, not to mention the fact that i hardly ever have 2 days off in a row which means i have absolutely no time for my family. I really hate not seeing my family cuz it makes me really depressed. It'll get better now though with school and stuff. And i think theyre hiring more people...it just seems that with every person hired, someone gets fired or quits and we get stuck with the same amount of servers as before.

Look at me...i just left work and im still thinking about it. So anyway my birthday is in 10 days now and my brother is being born sometime at the end of the month. It is very exciting.

I tried to talk to some girl for a couple days, but i guess i wasnt too interested. I felt kinda bad though cuz she got mad at me. Owell...i got 99 problems but a bitch aint one. School seems cool. My photography teacher is pretty hot and the class seems cool. My other class seems easy but a little boring.

Ive been getting drunk a lot lately and dancing. Its fun.

ArtMob was a success. It was a lot of fun too. Cant wait for the next one.
When i think about livejournal i think about all the stuff i can write about but then it never comes out. Instead i just sit and listen to "American Girl" by tom petty and the heartbreakers. Well...owell. I guess thats it.

Oh yeah and i also watched like half of the movie Blow the other night. It was good.

Butterfingers...Im Losing My Patience

2006-05-30T00:00:52Z

I cleaned my room today and did all my laundry. No work for the next two days which is saweet. Tonight should be fun cuz its annas birthday. We all might chill together again. ARTmob is coming up soon which is exciting. Weve had lots of shows which have all been fun. Ive been home all day which was actually quite relaxing. I actually do get a lot of shit done if i stay home for a change.

Summer school is gonna start soon which is a bummer but i know that once its over ill be fine. Its gonna be short anyway. When everthing gets fixed for school all my stress will be gone so i cant wait for that. Hopefully ill meet some people during summer school which would be cool. Thats the best thing about being in college. It always seems like there will be more and more opportunities to meet new people....especially some hot chicks.

School also reminds me that maybe i should save up a little so i can do some school shopping. My clothes are getting pretty tired. I was thinking of taking another photography class because in the long run the class was pretty fun, despite the deadlines and crap.

South of Fifth has been working on some new songs and they seem to be coming along good. With the new Duece management weve been getting a lot of shows. Were gonna start recording more soon and thats always fun.

Well i guess thats it. Ive had a big urge lately to chill and get real wasted on the beach again so hopefully we do that tonight. That would be fun.

Happy Monday!

offtoparadise03 @ 2006-05-05T14:15:00

2006-05-05T18:25:04Z

Hello.

So today is our cinco de mayo show. Im happy for that because
1. I got the day off today and tomorrow
2. Were gonna get really wasted off of tequila and Mexican beer
3. I like playing shows
4. Its Friday night?

Im really glad school is over. I finally have time to breathe. Work isnt so bad when you dont have school.
Lately ive had a very big urge to travel. I wish i could find someone who was willing to just go all out on some big adventure with me to go see something great out there in the world. If i find some sort of paradise, i think i would stay there.

offtoparadise03 @ 2006-04-30T03:18:00

2006-04-30T07:19:21Z

Should I Stay Or Should I Go Now?

offtoparadise03 @ 2006-04-27T10:43:00

2006-04-27T14:47:42Z

Ive never felt so much like a failure in school as I have this semester. It really makes me feel like a complete idiot. All i keep thinking is that now i have to do really good next time. Or even better, start excelling in something i really love. Sometimes the only reason i can find for me being in school is to make my parents proud and to serve as a role model for my sisters. If it wasnt for all that i think that my mind would have convcinced me to quit a long time ago. Too much responsibility so quickly is just so life draining, especially when im at the age where i wanna enjoy the finer things in life.

I Saw That Day, Lost My Mind

2006-04-20T06:24:10Z

1 More Day Until The End Of My World

0 Days Until 4/20

2 More Days Until The Start Of Something New

offtoparadise03 @ 2006-04-10T00:02:00

2006-04-10T04:36:35Z

I dont know exactly why it happens, but everytime i come to my parents house i get extremely emotional. Maybe its just all the free time i have where i can actually think. Or maybe the time of being sober where my mind is clear and not drifting away so much. It never fails though. I always think about the same crap and it always keeps me up at night. Then i always suffer on my drive home just thinking and being tired. I think too much about things i shouldnt be thinking about. Things that have been over for a very long time and i dont want to come back. But when i think, i feel like sometimes i want it to come back. Its all too confusing to comprehend. I dont know why i stress it because i know i shouldnt. But just the fact of having it would make me happier. I never get the upper hand.

I also think about things that maybe i should be thinking about but im just afraid to. Im afraid that maybe the way i feel is the way i should be feeling and if thats true then all im doing now is living a fake life. And if i keep it up ill just be digging myself into a deeper and unhappier hole. Sometimes things need to change but is it worth it when it drastically changes your life? I feel like maybe i should be taking up some opportunities that are thrown at me. I mean i feel like im givin certain situations for a reason and maybe i should be taking advantage but something inside me is so scared of change. I think to find out what i really want i would have to spend some serious time with myself even though that sounds weird. But whatever. Maybe im just in an awkward time right not. I hate sounding like such a depressed soul though. I think my biggest problem is that fact that i miss love. I dont really get to be with too many people that give me that love that i miss so much. I mean theres close friend love and then theres love. Hugs and kisses. Crying and all that crap. I always get 2 or 3 days of that when im up here and i miss it so much. I used to go back to danas after getting it here and still be loved, but now that that time in my life is over its just hard to go back to your apartment alone. Thats why i keep myself busy all the time and thats what makes me so wired. If i was only able to sit around without thinking so much i could probably get things in my life more settled down. I guess thats enough moaning and griping. Tomorrow i leave here and ill be back to normal.

I think we need to do our little vacation plans because it would be really great for everyone.
Summer is creeping in. Its gonne be such an inner-revolution i can feel it.

offtoparadise03 @ 2006-03-28T14:56:00

2006-03-28T20:06:27Z

I honesly believe that everyone i have ever known closely is such a character in their own way. It feels like everyone ive ever met all share the same qualites and thats what brings us together in some big circle. I also believe that if there were to be a TV show or movie based on the lives of everyone in our area, it would be the biggest hit ever produced. When i look at other groups of friends it just doesnt seem like they have the same personality as the people ive met in my lifetime. And whenever i sit around and think my life is boring...i just look at everything ive done and been through and i realize that my life is the most exciting life ive ever known. Other people just seem so blank and i always wonder how other people act when theyre with themselves. When they smoke weed, or drink or go to the beach. When theyre in school or working. Their lives with their parents. What are they thinking? It cant be even close to what i think about. Maybe its just our generation. I firmly believe that everyone ive ever been close to, i have met for a reason because honestly every person ive ever been close to is so special and unique in their own way. I dont know if people understand what i mean by all this but i honestly think that there are some people who are just completely different from the norm and for some reason i feel like we fall in that category. It makes me really anxious to witness what will become of everyone ive known. Sometimes im afriad of growing up, but other times i cant wait for time to pass me by.

When Tomorrow Comes Today

2006-03-26T06:59:33Z

This just in....Spring Break is over. What a bummer. The break has been really fun, especially the last 2 or 3 days. Its been a trip. After having such a nice time it makes me long for the summer even more. Im grasping onto this summer so tightly because i need the balance that i know its gonna bring. I feel like i will finally find what im looking for during this summer. That balance that i need has to be there and i gotta find it. Theres so many things i have planned for this summer...not only events but just experiences. Im planning on learning a lot this summer and finding out how to focus myself on certain things. Priority is my number one priority for this summer. I just need to find out what it is i need to do and just do it. The extra freetime will help support my outgoing lifestlye. Finally a time period where i dont have much to worry about. That will be the time when living on my own will really kick in. I will finally be able to see what its all about and i know that is exactly what i need. I dont wanna say that im not comfortable living on my own right now, but im still in that transitional period that makes things awkward still. I love living here and i know i have something that most kids my age arent at yet, but living on my own is kind tough, especially the times when i actually take a night off to be home. Thats when i think and think and realize all the things that need to be fixed in my life. The hardest part about all this is that ive lost my ability to cry. I miss a good cry and im not sure why i havent broken down when ive been stuck in some situations, but sometimes i wish i could just cry and let out all the trapped emotion. Its part of growing up though to have to hold it in...part of becoming a man and learning how to fix things without letting your emotions get the best of you. Its tough sometimes though to not have too many people to talk to about stuff.

I was driving around a few minutes ago looking for a place to eat and i realized that damn its a saturday night. Theres always so much going on down here on saturday night and it always makes you think "why arent i taking part in this miami party life." Theres just so much out there and i always wonder what it would be like if i was doing a certain thing right now instead of what im doing. I enjoy a good drive around the design district sometimes, just to see whats going on. Its nice to live in a big city because something is always happening. When i drive around alone i also feel like im my truest self. I like my true self and i wish my true self was always shown, but there are aspects of my life that are just an act, which is normal for anyone.

Ive started to notice how much i really miss my parents lately. Its been such a long time since ive seen them and its weird telling them about my life because were already so seperate. Everytime i tell them about my day i realize more and more how much seperate from them im actually becoming. I couldnt even imagine my first born just dissapearing like that and it must be hard but life goes on. The best part of being seperated from my parents is actually how close weve gotten, if that makes any sense. Ive learned so much about my parents and who they are from being away from them and its kind of exciting. My parents are great people which is why im so afraid of dissapointing them. I feel like i need to do something for them to show them that i appreciate who they are. I cant explain the bond you get with your family after seperation. Its pretty amazing how things work that way. Sometimes i think about my time in PSL with them and i realize that things werent really so bad, i was just stubborn. I wish i could see how life would have been if i stayed there. There was so much potential in my hands there and i wonder what i wouldve become.

Ive been reading a lot about space lately and it has to be the most amazing thing out there. Theres so much to learn about space that branches off into those questions that everyone asks but doesnt know the answers to. Its amazing how far we, as humans, have come in the sense of our exploration of space. Weve done things now that people in the past thought were science fiction...impossible. Were also progressing so fast that its hard to imagine what can possibly be next. I just hope to see a big step in my lifetime because it would be a bummer to die before there was a major breakthrough in something. Reading about space and its exploration really makes me wanna become an astronaut. It sounds like a little kids dream, but to me...that would be the 100% most life fulfilling thing. I sometimes wonder what life would be like if i let go of my entire life ive built up for soo many years and just dropped myself into the career of space travel. I know that i would die as a hero in my eyes and its got to be the best feeling in the world to see the final frontier called space. I couldnt even imagine being one of the pioneers of space like those same pioneers who founded our country. Their bravery and determination is something i admire so much and i only wish i could be half the man that some of our worlds heroes have been. I feel like something like that is where i belong in life but i dont think i could ever bring myself to submit to an entirely new life like that. I dont know if im just not brave enough, if im not selfish enough or if the idea is just too out there for me to even grasp but boy would life be different if i chose a path like that. I think becoming a hero like that is what life is really about and what true happiness really is. If there was ever a goal i would ever wish to fulfill, it would be that...to be a pioneer of space.
Talking about space branches off into so many topics that weve all been talking about lately and theres just so many theories out there that seem so possible. I wish i will live to see the period in which mankind discovers all the secrets that puzzle us now because i think even though the truth will bring so much chaos...it will also bring so much enlightenment.

Enough rambling by me...im just very altered right now. I didnt sleep lastnight and my lack of sleep is making me think too much. Sometimes when im really tired i have the weirdest visions and thoughts, but thats an entirely different discussion.

offtoparadise03 @ 2006-03-22T10:06:00

2006-03-22T15:15:57Z

Jesus Christ. Right now i am so broke its not even funny. I dont even know why im writing this, i guess just cuz ive been worried about it all day, but damn am i broke. Its really bad to the point where i dont even know if ill make rent, and my phone bill, electric and all that crap. I buy too much shit thats why. And on top of that school is stressing me the hell out especially with those 2 papers due that i have no idea when ill have time to do them. As if that wasnt enough to worry about, i still have to do my taxes and now i have a goddamn ticket for not stopping completely at a red light to turn right. That is the most stupid reason to give someone a ticket, especially when its late at night and theres not even any cars around.
These next two to three weeks are gonna be shitty as hell but at least after that i can look forward to a nice long summer vacation. During the summer i should be able to get my act together.

So tonight were gonna party for robsons birthday which is gonna be fun. I wish i had more money than what i have, but at least i get paid tomorrow. The abbey is gonna be real fun im guessing. Lastnight was fun too. Foreigners are cool to hang out with, especially when theyre really nice. Hanging out with those girls lastnight makes me want a gf really bad...too bad those girls are in their 20's, but i can still snag one...:) Hanging out in south beach makes me wish i could be partying hard right now.

Man i am very mad about my finances, i hope this gets resolved quick. I know that if i quit smoking i would save a shitload but we know that will never happen. Maybe i really need to take a big break before its starts making my life more complicated.

ooooohyeaahhh

2006-03-20T01:04:39Z

I went to the beach yesterday and i had the greatest time. Even though i was alone it was just awesome. The water was perfect and there were so many people just hanging out and stuff. I wish i could be there more often. Thats like the one place where i honestly feel so balanced. Theres no where else that im ever at that can do the same thing to me. Its like all my worries drift away when im at the beach. The pool too. I get such a mood lift whenever im close to the water. Its great. I couldnt imagine living in a place with no ocean, it would be horrible. when im at the beach i just feel like all the world could pass me by and i wouldnt have a care at all. I dont really no why im rambling about the beach...maybe cuz i wish i was there, or just because im bored at home, but i know im going tomorrow for sure.

I talked to my parents today for the first time in a while. Theyre doing good i guess which is good. So many things have changed over there in the past couple weeks. Its weird to not be there to see some of the things that happen. Talking to them made me feel awkward about my life right now. I feel so young still, but at the same time i feel so old, like im just not developing like im supposed to. Things happen to me in weird orders and sometimes i feel confused about life. Im just happy to be in spring break where i have a chance to relax. I need to get a lot done during this break especially if i wanna ever catch up in school. Things arent going so smoothly there right now. I just cant wait until summer where i will finally have a big break to get my whole life in order. Once things are in order i know ill be able to find such a happiness in everything. I hate being pessimistic and down like ive been so much lately. I just think too much which is my problem but i guess its cuz i have to much to think about right now. I wanna get to that point where i can stop worrying about thinking so much and start feeling. I cant wait to feel again especially to feel love. I havent felt that love too much lately which is creating a big gap. Im starting to picture that feeling again though. Im starting to fall in love with the idea of falling in love again. Its sad i say that cuz things arent gonna happen anytime soon but i cant wait till that day where i find her...or she finds me, but the most important thing is not to look. Ive learned that before and now im being patient. I can picture how things will be again and i sometimes regret that there wasnt someone there to be with me through everything ive gone through but theres a reason why ive been through what ive been through and theres a reason why ive done it alone and i accept that. These years of my life seem so transitional though so i guess transitions must be made alone. I just miss the love, especially when i cant really feel it from my parents too much.

My mom tells me that the baby is always moving. Maybe we got a little athlete on our hands. Its so nice to know that im gonna be a big brother again to my first brother. Its gonna be so weird now. My dad wants to name him robert and he felt that i would be upset at that but im not. Im happy my dad will be able to have a son to raise and play catch with cuz i know he is sad to not have that and he regrets he didnt really do that stuff with me. He deserves another guy in the house now that im gone. Im very excited about it all and i just hope everything turns out ok.

Whenever i listen to music i picture life the way i think it should be and it always looks like a movie. I get made fun of for always acting like im in a movie but my life is a story so i wanna tell it the way i see it. Ive seen life as being so magical lately and i appreciate that.

I really want to change up my room whenever i get the time and money. Right now its just the place i live but i want my room to turn into a place that i feel more comfortable in. If that happens then being home more will help me get things into order. I can see my room exactly how i want it and i know its gonna turn out cool. That'll be a summer project though because im just too busy right now.

I think im done rambling now. I write nonsense sometimes and i feel like this is one of those times. I like to look back at my entries that are nonsense though because in the future they always make sense.

offtoparadise03 @ 2006-03-01T01:11:00

2006-03-01T06:41:31Z

"While we like changes such as becoming an adult when we are in our teens, we dislike the change called aging. While we strive for change to become rich, we fear the change of retrenchment. We are selective in our attitude towards the transient nature of our very existence. Unfortunately, this transient nature is unselective. We can try to fight it, just as many have tried since beginningless time, only to have our efforts washed away through the passages of time. As a result, we continually experience dissatisfaction or suffering due to the very impermanence of compounded phenomena..."

This is one of the principles of Buddhism. Suffering is a part of everyones life. Buddhism tries to teach practitioners how to stop worrying about the future and find happiness in the present. If only everyone could just stop worrying about the future all the time then maybe life would be 100 times more enjoyable. I think its very important to always appreciate the day were given today because everyday is i gift. I wish i could think with that type of mentality everyday but it seems impossible. Sometimes i think too much. That is something to think about though for sure.

So things have been good lately. Just same old same old. Hanging out, working and school...but thats how it always is right. Weekends have been fun and everythings going great. Hopefully things get lined up for the weekend which i think they should.
I swam today again for a while. They finally put the lanes back the other way making a shorter lap. Thank God cuz those long laps are boring. Hanging out with new people is cool. Hanging out with old friends is great too.
We met an insence man the other day. The "Hustler" as he called himself. His incense is really good. It smells very nice. He was saying lots of smart things...like maybe we shouldnt be smoking weed everyday. He did agree that it is a great thing but he also points out that if you do it all the time...you wont get shit done. If only i could find a medium then maybe i would get things done. It would feel good to smoke a lot less. I know it will fall into place sometime soon. We'll eventually slow it down...we just need another pastime, like girlfriends.
He also talked about how things take time...like our band for instance. Everyone has to be ready first for things to work out. Even though it takes a lot of time for everything to fall into place i guess it will eventually happen. Sometimes i wish i could be doing other things. Not yet though i guess. The time will eventually come.
Its weird cuz im about to go to sleep and i havent been to bed this early in a long time. I know ill feel good tomorrow. Hopefully its nice and warm cuz im fixin to go to the beach tomorrow. After that maybe water polo and then go hang out with the boys. Man i really wish i could play water polo again. Swimming gets boring after while...plus i wanna be part of a team again.

We Get Drunk!

2006-02-26T10:33:32Z

The feeling of a crush!!!!!

Crazy, how it, feels tonight.
Crazy, how you, make it all alright love.
You crush me, with the, things you do,
I do, for you, anything too oh.
Sitting, smoking, feeling high.
And in this, moment, ah, it feels so right.

Lovely lady, I am at your feet, oh, God I want you so badly.
And I wonder this could tomorrow be so wondrous as you there sleeping.

Let’s go, drive ’til, the morning comes.
And watch the, sunrise, and fill our souls up.
We’ll drink some, wine ‘til, we get drunk, yes...

It’s crazy, I’m thinking, just knowing that the world is round.
I’m here I’m dancing on the ground.
Am I right side up or upside down, and is this real, or am I dreaming?

Lovely lady, let me drink you, please, I won’t spill a, drop no, I promise you.
Lying under this spell you cast on me.
Each moment the more, i, love, you. crush me, come on. oh, yes.

It’s crazy I’m thinking, just knowing that the world is round.
I’m here I’m dancing on the ground.
Am I right side up or upside down?
Is this real, oh lord, or am I dreaming?

Lovely lady, I will treat you sweetly, adore you, I mean, you crush me.
Oh it’s times like these when my faith I feel.
I know, how, i, love, you. come on, come on, baby.

It’s crazy, I’m thinking just as long as you’re around.
I’m here I’ll be dancing on the ground.
Am I right side up or upside down?
To each other, we’ll be facing.
My love, my love, we’ll beat back the pain we’ve found.
You know, I mean to tell you all the things I’ve been thinking, deep inside my
Friend.
With each moment the more I love you. crush me, come on, baby.

So much you have, given love, that I would give you back again and again.
Oh, the love, many now hold you but please, please, just let me, always

offtoparadise03 @ 2006-02-24T00:56:00

2006-02-24T07:06:16Z

Livejournal time again. I havent written in this for real for a while.

Life's good i guess. Could be better, but im not complaining. Schools good i guess too. I have a relationship with school where i love being there but i hate going. Things are falling into place though so thats good.

So ive done lots of stuff lately. ArtMob turned out really good and it was a lot of fun. Orlando was cool. Ive been swimming like all the time now. I think ive become addicted to the great feeling you get after you do any type of exercise. Whenever i swim or run, i feel like im on top of the world. I guess its those endorphins. But i just really like the energy it gives me. Lots of going out and smoking and playing pool. Pretty routine lifestlye i would say. School, work, hanging out at night. Thats what we do here in the 305. Been hanging out with varieties of people lately. Sometimes i think that my life is pretty boring, but when i look back at all the pointless things we do every night with all the different people, its like...were always doing something, so i guess my life is pretty active afterall. Lots of steves pizza in these past months. Its made me a better person. Good times at steves.

The other day me and my dad talked for a long time. It was real nice to talk for so long. I havent really seen my family in a while. I miss them a lot lately too. I mean we got the new baby coming...a new dog. Things are all changing over there and im not there to be a part of it. Its pretty weird i guess, but what can you do. Ive already chosen my path to growing up a long time ago. My dad mentioned that i could live there for the summer and just tranfer to another flanigans. When i was talking to him and i was in that loving family mood, i felt like that would be a good thing to do. I just think about how i could be there for such a long time, find a summer crush or something and save money and be with my family, now that things are so hectic here. The beach is great in the summertime over there, theres kids everywhere and everyone is very friendly. I have such an opposite view of PSL now than i did before. I mean i cant lie anymore, its a great place...its not Miami but i could definitely find a happiness there.
So now as im not in that loving family mood anymore because im not talking to my dad, i start to think...maybe that wasnt such a good idea. I mean this is my home now. What about my summer here. It would be great too. I hate thinking about leaving home to go home. Its a very confusing feeling. I mean i know im not gonna do it and im probably gonna stay here, but i still think about it a lot.
My dad also said he was a little angry with me that i drink beer. I told him that i dont, but he told me that my sister saw me in a picture with a beer in my hand on myspace. OOps. Owell. He's not even mad...i think hes just afraid i might become an alcoholic, which i know i wont cuz i have self control. I really miss my dad now, along with my pregnant mom, my emo sister, Emily, and my weird haired poodle.

So lastnight was cool. I slept over robsons house after smoking with gilahd and anthony lastnight. Robsons house was cool. Lately ive missed living there. It was really great living there...and without rent to pay id be rich. Being rich would help the band, and having fun on weekends and everything. I also really miss staying up late with rob and gabriel and playing soccer or skating or playing hide and go seek or some shit. Those were the times i felt so free, even though i was in a depressed state. I felt like nothing could stop the block. We were the crew. It sounds gay but its true. Then the hurricanes came, and the power was out and we were all so free. It was great and it sucks that grace found the weed because maybe things coulda been a lot different. I mean i love living here but its tough to wonder if this is really the best for me.
So I woke up today and went to class. I skipped English and went to music appreciation. That girl in class is beautiful. I swear there is just something about her that i just find so attractive. This brings me to the point that i need a girlfriend, but thats not important right now. So class was cool and then i very hesitantly swam. I wasnt sure if i should be lazy or not. I mean i knew how good i would feel if i swam and how much lazier i would feel if i just went and chilled at joses, but its hard to get that little bit of energy to get into the pool. So i swam, ate a delicious Quiznos sub and drank a really good Jamba juice. After that i was ready to work.

So now I'm home. I was just at work a little while ago. I had a pretty good day at work. Always have fun with the night crew. Made some money and then spent some money and then i smoked a blunt. So here i am now listening to the best music and eating a very juicy apple. I think im going to bed soon because tomorrow is our day at the beach. That will be fun and if we go to orlando that would be fun too. Im so ready to be at the beach because its been so long since ive swam in the ocean, being cold and all. But now that its hot as balls outside, the beach should be pretty nice. Im glad i dont have to work until Sunday but i still have to write a 6 pager for my film class. The weekend should be good i hope.

Hopefully I'll write again soon.

Reminisce

2006-02-23T04:27:59Z

This is just one of my old journals that i was reading that made me smile. I love having this thing. Its so weird to think how young i was when i wrote this. That was like 2 years ago already. Damn life goes by so quickly now. I feel a big update coming soon. Time to revive the LJ...for me at least.

Were Like Belgium...Just Want To Be Neutral [15 Jan 2004|09:08pm]
[ mood | energetic ]
[ music | TV ]

Hello...its thursday. It was early release...woop woop. It was pretty fun. The pep rally wasnt that great...but it was cool. Got me out of class. I got an A in history which is goooood. An F on mrs gonzalez's quiz wasnt good but owell. School was fine and we got picked up by Jim after school.

There is so much drama going on its crazy. It kinda sucks how everyone has to be seperated but whatever. Thats how it goes. Im just doing my part and not taking any sides. It isnt my fight and im straight with everyone so everything should be fine for me. I hope it doesnt get too outta control one day...as long as everyones safe.

So then after school talked to friends and me and dana were on our way home. We made some lunch. There was a cornucopia of food selections. I ate mozzerela sticks and a burrito and cookies and grape juice. I wasnt hungry all day even without breakfast but i knew i had to eat...it was my destiny.

After eating we eventually got to the beach. Mostly all tourists there. On one side we had some british people and on the other we had a couple girls nude sunbathing...but i wasnt complaining...hehe j/k. The water was freezing and dana said she would go in with me but of course she didnt. But thats cool. The water was really cold though and then my neck got all messed up with some rash shit. It itched so bad. Then we took a nap and relaxed and just chilled. Its nice to just chill on the beach.

Then we walked home. Luckily Alyssa was there because of course we had no keys. So we went inside and had a little group discussion about me and dana. I was kinda upset after that. Not only because of it but also because i just get in little sad moods sometimes. But after feeding the dogs i was fine. From now on if your ever down...just feed a dog, it helps. So then me and my love and alyssa and malu just hung out around the house. Talked to kim again. Shes such a cool mom despite the loud angry voice. Then we ate spaghetti from last year and i tickled dana and a mini pillow fight and nipples poppin out everywhere. We were havin a little fiesta...

then i went home. Kim dropped me off...how nice. We talked a lot in the car and i was home. I asked to take the car tomorrow but the answer was no...which sucks. They have things to do tomorrow. Maybe at night i can take it. Tomorrow is friday and no school monday. Thats all....peace
sing me a song